JOHN DOE VS. JOHN DEER
NEWSWIRE--A wounded deer attacked the hunter who shot him.
I never will get past my fear
Of weekend trips for hunting deer.
It's not the shooting I find menace in;
I draw the line at wrestling venison.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Hot Seat
HOT SEAT
NEWSWIRE--A new genetic test indicates which sport a child was born to play.
Some hope of teams or floor routines
Or fields where they'll perform;
My folks, instead, gave me the genes
That keep the benches warm.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A new genetic test indicates which sport a child was born to play.
Some hope of teams or floor routines
Or fields where they'll perform;
My folks, instead, gave me the genes
That keep the benches warm.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Mutual Aromaha
MUTUAL AROMAHA
NEWSWIRE--A Detroit woman's lawsuit will proceed, alleging a co-worker's perfume made it difficult for her to breathe and impossible to do her job.
Most workplace fragrance needs no quarrel;
That's just stuff and nonsense.
But hope when labels warn of floral,
There's more off than on scents.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A Detroit woman's lawsuit will proceed, alleging a co-worker's perfume made it difficult for her to breathe and impossible to do her job.
Most workplace fragrance needs no quarrel;
That's just stuff and nonsense.
But hope when labels warn of floral,
There's more off than on scents.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, December 1, 2008
A Sale of Two Pretties
A SALE OF TWO PRETTIES
NEWSWIRE--In these tough economic times, the number of egg donors and surrogate mothers is up by 30 percent.
The times were best, the times were worst;
She soon would have to beg
For help in choosing which goes first:
Her Dickens or an egg.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--In these tough economic times, the number of egg donors and surrogate mothers is up by 30 percent.
The times were best, the times were worst;
She soon would have to beg
For help in choosing which goes first:
Her Dickens or an egg.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, November 28, 2008
Leftover the River and Through the Woods
LEFTOVER THE RIVER AND THROUGH THE WOODS
A weekend's worth of Thursday's food
Would seem to some too quirky,
So after my Thanksgiving mood,
I'm giving up, cold turkey.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
A weekend's worth of Thursday's food
Would seem to some too quirky,
So after my Thanksgiving mood,
I'm giving up, cold turkey.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Breaking News
BREAKING NEWS
NEWSWIRE--A 13-year-old Florida student was arrested for flatulence in class.
The audible breeze and the cut of the cheese
Left the student ashamed and chagrined.
Yet the teacher harassed for the gas that was passed
While they studied "Inherit the Wind."
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A 13-year-old Florida student was arrested for flatulence in class.
The audible breeze and the cut of the cheese
Left the student ashamed and chagrined.
Yet the teacher harassed for the gas that was passed
While they studied "Inherit the Wind."
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Headquarters to Hindquarters
HEADQUARTERS TO HINDQUARTERS
NEWSWIRE--Canada's Supreme Court has ruled that obese passengers must be given a free, extra airline seat.
The orders went to airborne fleets
To find more space among their seats,
Providing those of large physique
Some room to turn the other cheek.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Canada's Supreme Court has ruled that obese passengers must be given a free, extra airline seat.
The orders went to airborne fleets
To find more space among their seats,
Providing those of large physique
Some room to turn the other cheek.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sweeter Than Whine
SWEETER THAN WHINE
NEWSWIRE--Policies to rid schools of sugary drinks have had little effect on students' intake of them.
As you teach your son or daughter
Health and sodas have a link,
You can plead, of course, for water
But you can't make them drink
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Policies to rid schools of sugary drinks have had little effect on students' intake of them.
As you teach your son or daughter
Health and sodas have a link,
You can plead, of course, for water
But you can't make them drink
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, November 21, 2008
Monkey Wrench
MONKEY WRENCH
NEWSWIRE--Astronauts promise to tie down their remaining tool bag so it doesn't float away like one did earlier this week.
They've sent human beings instead of an ape
Since this era of space flight got started,
After reaching conclusions they could not escape:
A tool and its monkey are soon parted.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Astronauts promise to tie down their remaining tool bag so it doesn't float away like one did earlier this week.
They've sent human beings instead of an ape
Since this era of space flight got started,
After reaching conclusions they could not escape:
A tool and its monkey are soon parted.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Dawn of a New Error
DAWN OF A NEW ERROR
NEWSWIRE--For security reasons, President-elect Barack Obama will likely have to give up his Blackberry and email privileges when he takes office.
Hacking was a cough unkind,
Virus meant the flu.
Bad memory was in your mind,
And browsers just walked through.
Now, these dual-meaning terms
Can catch (or are) computer germs.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--For security reasons, President-elect Barack Obama will likely have to give up his Blackberry and email privileges when he takes office.
Hacking was a cough unkind,
Virus meant the flu.
Bad memory was in your mind,
And browsers just walked through.
Now, these dual-meaning terms
Can catch (or are) computer germs.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Cat Burglar
CAT BURGLAR
NEWSWIRE--A teen was attacked by a cougar when she and her boyfriend broke into a wildlife collector's home.
Being caught in the act left them little to dread;
They'd wake lawyers to dwell in a plea line.
Until one of them woke in a hospital bed
As a caper fed felon to feline.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A teen was attacked by a cougar when she and her boyfriend broke into a wildlife collector's home.
Being caught in the act left them little to dread;
They'd wake lawyers to dwell in a plea line.
Until one of them woke in a hospital bed
As a caper fed felon to feline.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Calling the Kettle Back
CALLING THE KETTLE BACK
NEWSWIRE--The Salvation Army will test taking credit and debit cards along with spare change and bills.
They make cheer of the season and spread it,
Though their bell-ringing's often maligned,
But I fear with acceptance of credit,
They'd start Christmas with my card declined.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The Salvation Army will test taking credit and debit cards along with spare change and bills.
They make cheer of the season and spread it,
Though their bell-ringing's often maligned,
But I fear with acceptance of credit,
They'd start Christmas with my card declined.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, November 17, 2008
Reduce, Reuse, Recoil
REDUCE, REUSE, RECOIL
NEWSWIRE--NASA's space shuttle has a new system that purifies urine and other wastewater for drinking.
A second use that follows first
Has my complete assent,
Except a drink to quench my thirst
That comes from where I went.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--NASA's space shuttle has a new system that purifies urine and other wastewater for drinking.
A second use that follows first
Has my complete assent,
Except a drink to quench my thirst
That comes from where I went.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, November 14, 2008
Pregnant Pause
PREGNANT PAUSE
NEWSWIRE--The "pregnant man" who gave birth earlier this year is expecting a second child.
For menfolk, it raises a shiver
Amongst co-worker, client and neighbor,
Each concerned they might have to deliver
On a promise of manual labor.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The "pregnant man" who gave birth earlier this year is expecting a second child.
For menfolk, it raises a shiver
Amongst co-worker, client and neighbor,
Each concerned they might have to deliver
On a promise of manual labor.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Joyful Noise
JOYFUL NOISE
NEWSWIRE--The government has listed its five top toy hazards for the year.
Let me stress a warning word
About that child-rearing rule:
The only place they're seen, not heard,
Is at the bottom of a pool.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The government has listed its five top toy hazards for the year.
Let me stress a warning word
About that child-rearing rule:
The only place they're seen, not heard,
Is at the bottom of a pool.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Pounded Quarter
POUNDED QUARTER
NEWSWIRE--Despite the challenging financial climate, McDonalds is reporting an 8.2 percent increase in sales.
In troubled times, there's great appeal
For a happy, if unhealthy, meal.
So, many choose the Golden Arches
And overdo their fats and starches.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Despite the challenging financial climate, McDonalds is reporting an 8.2 percent increase in sales.
In troubled times, there's great appeal
For a happy, if unhealthy, meal.
So, many choose the Golden Arches
And overdo their fats and starches.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Produce Department
PRODUCE DEPARTMENT
NEWSWIRE--Studies show male infertility rates are on the rise and the quality of an average man's sperm is declining.
For the duties of male, she will hire
And for eggs, she'll defrost her own
As her husband's unable to sire
Due to lack of testosterone.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Studies show male infertility rates are on the rise and the quality of an average man's sperm is declining.
For the duties of male, she will hire
And for eggs, she'll defrost her own
As her husband's unable to sire
Due to lack of testosterone.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, November 10, 2008
New American Bandstand
NEW AMERICAN BANDSTAND
NEWSWIRE--Digital music player headphones might interfere with heart pacemakers and implantable defibrillators.
EARS: I hear a tune of great romance;
We can move our feet to it.
HEART: Agreed, it has a pretty good dance
But I just can't seem to beat to it.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Digital music player headphones might interfere with heart pacemakers and implantable defibrillators.
EARS: I hear a tune of great romance;
We can move our feet to it.
HEART: Agreed, it has a pretty good dance
But I just can't seem to beat to it.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, November 7, 2008
Tenure Loving Care
TENURE LOVING CARE
NEWSWIRE--A newspaper has sued a competitor for allegedly copying and reprinting obituaries.
An old professor, soon deceased,
Offended as his fame increased.
So, his passing's news was cherished
And was published as he perished.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A newspaper has sued a competitor for allegedly copying and reprinting obituaries.
An old professor, soon deceased,
Offended as his fame increased.
So, his passing's news was cherished
And was published as he perished.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Soldiers of Fortune
SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE
NEWSWIRE--The 2008 presidential election was the most expensive in history, with 5.3 (B) billion dollars spent.
It's bundles of money that we have to thank
For the media messages spoken
In amounts that would normally break the bank
Were the banks not already broken.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The 2008 presidential election was the most expensive in history, with 5.3 (B) billion dollars spent.
It's bundles of money that we have to thank
For the media messages spoken
In amounts that would normally break the bank
Were the banks not already broken.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Lines for the Day After Elections
LINES FOR THE DAY AFTER ELECTIONS
By Richard Armour, from Light Armour (1954)
The sun still rises in the east,
The song of skylarks has not ceased,
The mountains stand, the seas are calm,
I hear no detonating bomb.
The banks are open, trains on time,
The morning paper's rich with crime,
A stream of traffic fills the street,
The ground is firm beneath my feet.
No cataclysmic conflagration
As yet has swept our luckless nation.
No sign of doom have I detected,
Although my man was not elected.
By Richard Armour, from Light Armour (1954)
The sun still rises in the east,
The song of skylarks has not ceased,
The mountains stand, the seas are calm,
I hear no detonating bomb.
The banks are open, trains on time,
The morning paper's rich with crime,
A stream of traffic fills the street,
The ground is firm beneath my feet.
No cataclysmic conflagration
As yet has swept our luckless nation.
No sign of doom have I detected,
Although my man was not elected.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
High Speed Chaste
HIGH SPEED CHASTE
NEWSWIRE--Calling it a high-tech chastity belt, feminists are opposed to lingerie fitted with a GPS tracking device.
The garment stalls what's been forbid
While tracking from afar,
To say, "I saw what you undid,
And I know where you are."
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
I Saw What You Did (1965)
NEWSWIRE--Calling it a high-tech chastity belt, feminists are opposed to lingerie fitted with a GPS tracking device.
The garment stalls what's been forbid
While tracking from afar,
To say, "I saw what you undid,
And I know where you are."
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
I Saw What You Did (1965)
Monday, November 3, 2008
Time to Kill
TIME TO KILL
NEWSWIRE--For the first time in 42 years, the city of Miami has gone for a month with no reported murders.
The credit collapse from the mortgage subprime
And the stock market drop have been chilling.
But it took a reduction in murderous crime
To prove nobody's making a killing.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--For the first time in 42 years, the city of Miami has gone for a month with no reported murders.
The credit collapse from the mortgage subprime
And the stock market drop have been chilling.
But it took a reduction in murderous crime
To prove nobody's making a killing.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 31, 2008
In Good Standing
IN GOOD STANDING
NEWSWIRE--The Cincinnati Enquirer, in endorsing John McCain, quoted Barack Obama as saying, "A strong government hand is needed to assure that wealth is distributed more equitably." The paper later ran a correction, clarifying that Obama had never said that.
Stand for justice, stand for peace,
Stand for slighted quarter.
Stand to start, to stay, to cease,
Stand in line to order.
Stand for right; stand fast, sincere.
Stand tall; stand cool and collected.
Whatever your stand, stand far from here:
I usually stand corrected.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The Cincinnati Enquirer, in endorsing John McCain, quoted Barack Obama as saying, "A strong government hand is needed to assure that wealth is distributed more equitably." The paper later ran a correction, clarifying that Obama had never said that.
Stand for justice, stand for peace,
Stand for slighted quarter.
Stand to start, to stay, to cease,
Stand in line to order.
Stand for right; stand fast, sincere.
Stand tall; stand cool and collected.
Whatever your stand, stand far from here:
I usually stand corrected.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Electoral Dysfunction
ELECTORAL DYSFUNCTION
NEWSWIRE--An error on an absentee ballot promotion in Michigan printed a phone-sex number in place of the campaign line.
Your ballot's been selected,
Your passions will impress,
As you shout that you elected
To vote yes, oh yes, oh yes.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Ruffled Feathers
NEWSWIRE--An error on an absentee ballot promotion in Michigan printed a phone-sex number in place of the campaign line.
Your ballot's been selected,
Your passions will impress,
As you shout that you elected
To vote yes, oh yes, oh yes.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Ruffled Feathers
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Placebo Domingo
PLACEBO DOMINGO
NEWSWIRE--Half of doctors routinely prescribe placebos for their effect on patients' psyches.
Though my duties are carefully selected
The result's known before I've begun:
In spite of the progress expected,
My impact is little or none.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Half of doctors routinely prescribe placebos for their effect on patients' psyches.
Though my duties are carefully selected
The result's known before I've begun:
In spite of the progress expected,
My impact is little or none.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Letter Rip
LETTER RIP
NEWSWIRE--A new study indicates a person's lot in life might be forecast by their initials.
It's there, between the Thompson twins:
A gap you're sure to notice,
As Harold Oscar's lot begins
In front of Nigel Otis.
Or praise and raise one to the heavens
And let the other fall
As with Albert Charles Evans
And his classmate, Ben A. Dahl
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A new study indicates a person's lot in life might be forecast by their initials.
It's there, between the Thompson twins:
A gap you're sure to notice,
As Harold Oscar's lot begins
In front of Nigel Otis.
Or praise and raise one to the heavens
And let the other fall
As with Albert Charles Evans
And his classmate, Ben A. Dahl
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, October 27, 2008
Touch Treat
TOUCH TREAT
NEWSWIRE--A new study shows that people who held a cup of hot coffee warmed to a perfect stranger. Holding a cup of iced coffee had the opposite effect.
If your heart might retain
What was warm on your dermis,
Instead of champagne,
I'll be popping a thermos.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A new study shows that people who held a cup of hot coffee warmed to a perfect stranger. Holding a cup of iced coffee had the opposite effect.
If your heart might retain
What was warm on your dermis,
Instead of champagne,
I'll be popping a thermos.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 24, 2008
Color Full
COLOR FULL
NEWSWIRE--New research shows old-fashioned, reusable diapers damage the environment more than disposables.
Green is good when it means "go,"
And good for "could be riper,"
And good to keep pollution low,
But bad inside a diaper.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--New research shows old-fashioned, reusable diapers damage the environment more than disposables.
Green is good when it means "go,"
And good for "could be riper,"
And good to keep pollution low,
But bad inside a diaper.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Candidate's New Clothes
THE CANDIDATE'S NEW CLOTHES
NEWSWIRE--Since August, The RNC has spent more than $150,000 on clothes and accessories for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family.
From moose's carcass
To Nieman Marcus,
Went Sarah six-packs
As Sarah picked Saks.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Since August, The RNC has spent more than $150,000 on clothes and accessories for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family.
From moose's carcass
To Nieman Marcus,
Went Sarah six-packs
As Sarah picked Saks.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Coffee, Tea or B?
COFFEE, TEA or B?
NEWSWIRE--Drinking a lot of coffee reduces the size of women's breasts.
With coffee, a fill-up
That leads to another
Leaves ample in one cup
But less in the other.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Drinking a lot of coffee reduces the size of women's breasts.
With coffee, a fill-up
That leads to another
Leaves ample in one cup
But less in the other.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
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