IN GOOD STANDING
NEWSWIRE--The Cincinnati Enquirer, in endorsing John McCain, quoted Barack Obama as saying, "A strong government hand is needed to assure that wealth is distributed more equitably." The paper later ran a correction, clarifying that Obama had never said that.
Stand for justice, stand for peace,
Stand for slighted quarter.
Stand to start, to stay, to cease,
Stand in line to order.
Stand for right; stand fast, sincere.
Stand tall; stand cool and collected.
Whatever your stand, stand far from here:
I usually stand corrected.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Electoral Dysfunction
ELECTORAL DYSFUNCTION
NEWSWIRE--An error on an absentee ballot promotion in Michigan printed a phone-sex number in place of the campaign line.
Your ballot's been selected,
Your passions will impress,
As you shout that you elected
To vote yes, oh yes, oh yes.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Ruffled Feathers
NEWSWIRE--An error on an absentee ballot promotion in Michigan printed a phone-sex number in place of the campaign line.
Your ballot's been selected,
Your passions will impress,
As you shout that you elected
To vote yes, oh yes, oh yes.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Ruffled Feathers
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Placebo Domingo
PLACEBO DOMINGO
NEWSWIRE--Half of doctors routinely prescribe placebos for their effect on patients' psyches.
Though my duties are carefully selected
The result's known before I've begun:
In spite of the progress expected,
My impact is little or none.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Half of doctors routinely prescribe placebos for their effect on patients' psyches.
Though my duties are carefully selected
The result's known before I've begun:
In spite of the progress expected,
My impact is little or none.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Letter Rip
LETTER RIP
NEWSWIRE--A new study indicates a person's lot in life might be forecast by their initials.
It's there, between the Thompson twins:
A gap you're sure to notice,
As Harold Oscar's lot begins
In front of Nigel Otis.
Or praise and raise one to the heavens
And let the other fall
As with Albert Charles Evans
And his classmate, Ben A. Dahl
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A new study indicates a person's lot in life might be forecast by their initials.
It's there, between the Thompson twins:
A gap you're sure to notice,
As Harold Oscar's lot begins
In front of Nigel Otis.
Or praise and raise one to the heavens
And let the other fall
As with Albert Charles Evans
And his classmate, Ben A. Dahl
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, October 27, 2008
Touch Treat
TOUCH TREAT
NEWSWIRE--A new study shows that people who held a cup of hot coffee warmed to a perfect stranger. Holding a cup of iced coffee had the opposite effect.
If your heart might retain
What was warm on your dermis,
Instead of champagne,
I'll be popping a thermos.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A new study shows that people who held a cup of hot coffee warmed to a perfect stranger. Holding a cup of iced coffee had the opposite effect.
If your heart might retain
What was warm on your dermis,
Instead of champagne,
I'll be popping a thermos.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 24, 2008
Color Full
COLOR FULL
NEWSWIRE--New research shows old-fashioned, reusable diapers damage the environment more than disposables.
Green is good when it means "go,"
And good for "could be riper,"
And good to keep pollution low,
But bad inside a diaper.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--New research shows old-fashioned, reusable diapers damage the environment more than disposables.
Green is good when it means "go,"
And good for "could be riper,"
And good to keep pollution low,
But bad inside a diaper.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Candidate's New Clothes
THE CANDIDATE'S NEW CLOTHES
NEWSWIRE--Since August, The RNC has spent more than $150,000 on clothes and accessories for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family.
From moose's carcass
To Nieman Marcus,
Went Sarah six-packs
As Sarah picked Saks.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Since August, The RNC has spent more than $150,000 on clothes and accessories for vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and her family.
From moose's carcass
To Nieman Marcus,
Went Sarah six-packs
As Sarah picked Saks.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Coffee, Tea or B?
COFFEE, TEA or B?
NEWSWIRE--Drinking a lot of coffee reduces the size of women's breasts.
With coffee, a fill-up
That leads to another
Leaves ample in one cup
But less in the other.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Drinking a lot of coffee reduces the size of women's breasts.
With coffee, a fill-up
That leads to another
Leaves ample in one cup
But less in the other.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Morgue and Mindy
MORGUE AND MINDY
NEWSWIRE--The former director of UCLA's program for bodies donated to research pleaded guilty to scheming to traffic body parts for profit.
There was only one way he could have her;
A trip to Korea, his goal.
Recognizing that she's a cadaver,
He would be with her body in Seoul.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Coleman Hawkins (1939)
NEWSWIRE--The former director of UCLA's program for bodies donated to research pleaded guilty to scheming to traffic body parts for profit.
There was only one way he could have her;
A trip to Korea, his goal.
Recognizing that she's a cadaver,
He would be with her body in Seoul.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Coleman Hawkins (1939)
Monday, October 20, 2008
That Plant is a Bush
THAT PLANT IS A BUSH
NEWSWIRE--Approval of a San Francisco ballot measure would have a pollution control facility renamed as the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
Consider, as you give acclaim
To where you will excrete,
Whether loads by any other name
Would smell as sweet.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Approval of a San Francisco ballot measure would have a pollution control facility renamed as the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.
Consider, as you give acclaim
To where you will excrete,
Whether loads by any other name
Would smell as sweet.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Fixture is In
THE FIXTURE IS IN
NEWSWIRE--"Joe the Plumber" was mentioned more than 20 times in the final presidential debate.
In the last debate, the candidate
Who seemed the up-and-comer,
Was neither/nor of Senator,
But rather, Joe the Plumber.
He'd have it made, to ply his trade
In a kitchen-sink campaign;
No need to speak, just fix the leak
Before it all goes down the drain.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--"Joe the Plumber" was mentioned more than 20 times in the final presidential debate.
In the last debate, the candidate
Who seemed the up-and-comer,
Was neither/nor of Senator,
But rather, Joe the Plumber.
He'd have it made, to ply his trade
In a kitchen-sink campaign;
No need to speak, just fix the leak
Before it all goes down the drain.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Seed Capital
SEED CAPITAL
NEWSWIRE--The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 8 percent on new disheartening economic data.
Its picks of the week still make bundles of green;
Its growth and its yield, tough to knock.
It's over-the-counter for counters of bean,
As the market is farmers'-, not stock-.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 8 percent on new disheartening economic data.
Its picks of the week still make bundles of green;
Its growth and its yield, tough to knock.
It's over-the-counter for counters of bean,
As the market is farmers'-, not stock-.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Perspire to Office
PERSPIRE TO OFFICE
NEWSWIRE--A Florida congressman denies any wrongdoing in secret payments made to his former mistress.
From the weather, when I sweat,
It's not the heat; it's the humidity.
For politicians, my regret
Is not deceit; it's the stupidity.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A Florida congressman denies any wrongdoing in secret payments made to his former mistress.
From the weather, when I sweat,
It's not the heat; it's the humidity.
For politicians, my regret
Is not deceit; it's the stupidity.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Old Money
OLD MONEY
NEWSWIRE--The growing US national debt is too big for the National Debt Clock in New York, so debt watchers added an extra number for the 14-digit debt.
We have a desire to someday retire,
But our beaten accounts seems to mock it.
We can still mark the days with our old I-R-As,
But we'll need more decades on the docket.
www.newsandverse.com
Light Verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--The growing US national debt is too big for the National Debt Clock in New York, so debt watchers added an extra number for the 14-digit debt.
We have a desire to someday retire,
But our beaten accounts seems to mock it.
We can still mark the days with our old I-R-As,
But we'll need more decades on the docket.
www.newsandverse.com
Light Verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, October 13, 2008
Hostile Fitness
HOSTILE FITNESS
NEWSWIRE--New fitness standards recommend 2.5 hours of moderate exercise sometime each week, tweaking a previous recommendation of 30 minutes per day, five days a week.
Lower daily intake
of the beverage alcoholic;
Lower daily measure
of the pressure in systolic.
Lower daily poundage
When it's me the scale is weighing;
Lower count of calories
When lunch is from buffeting.
Lower grams of fat
In the meat and cheese I'm packing;
Lower H-D-Ls
In cholesterol I'm tracking.
To lower all these numbers
Is a nightmare in amounting,
So, the opportune solution
Is to lower what I'm counting.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--New fitness standards recommend 2.5 hours of moderate exercise sometime each week, tweaking a previous recommendation of 30 minutes per day, five days a week.
Lower daily intake
of the beverage alcoholic;
Lower daily measure
of the pressure in systolic.
Lower daily poundage
When it's me the scale is weighing;
Lower count of calories
When lunch is from buffeting.
Lower grams of fat
In the meat and cheese I'm packing;
Lower H-D-Ls
In cholesterol I'm tracking.
To lower all these numbers
Is a nightmare in amounting,
So, the opportune solution
Is to lower what I'm counting.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 10, 2008
Troopergate to Dupergate: A News and Verse Extra
TROOPERGATE TO DUPERGATE: A NEWS AND VERSE EXTRA
If
Troopergate=influencing the firing of an Alaska State Police Officer
Then,
Bloopergate=Firing whoever allowed the Couric interviews
Coopergate=Firing, from a helicopter, on a CNN correspondent
Swoopergate=Firing helicopter pilot who buzzed the Russian coast (which he could see from home)
Droopergate=Firing any and all pollsters
Groupergate=Firing an Alaska fish warden (see also: frying an Alaska fish warden)
Lubrigate=Firing anyone who stands in the way of oil drilling
Hoopergate=Firing the Wasilla basketball coach
Poopergate=Firing the Wasilla animal control officer
Scoopergate=Firing whoever cleaned up after the firing of the animal control officer
Recupergate=Firing whoever said there'd be no image problems in a VP slot
Recoupergate=Firing whoever said the home-stay per diem was a God-given right
Rupertgate=Firing the kid who delivers the Wall Street Journal and all those other papers
Snoopergate=Firing all those people who want to see state documents
Soupergate=Firing John McCain's chef (see also: cottage cheese, oatmeal)
Stuporgate=Firing the state bartender
Stoopergate=Firing anyone on the front porch (see also: Get off my lawn!)
Supergate=Firing everyone Todd doesn't like (see also: First Dude)
Yoopergate=Firing anyone left on the northern Michigan campaign staff
And,
Dupergate=Firing the advisor who first suggested the 2008 GOP VP Candidate
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
If
Troopergate=influencing the firing of an Alaska State Police Officer
Then,
Bloopergate=Firing whoever allowed the Couric interviews
Coopergate=Firing, from a helicopter, on a CNN correspondent
Swoopergate=Firing helicopter pilot who buzzed the Russian coast (which he could see from home)
Droopergate=Firing any and all pollsters
Groupergate=Firing an Alaska fish warden (see also: frying an Alaska fish warden)
Lubrigate=Firing anyone who stands in the way of oil drilling
Hoopergate=Firing the Wasilla basketball coach
Poopergate=Firing the Wasilla animal control officer
Scoopergate=Firing whoever cleaned up after the firing of the animal control officer
Recupergate=Firing whoever said there'd be no image problems in a VP slot
Recoupergate=Firing whoever said the home-stay per diem was a God-given right
Rupertgate=Firing the kid who delivers the Wall Street Journal and all those other papers
Snoopergate=Firing all those people who want to see state documents
Soupergate=Firing John McCain's chef (see also: cottage cheese, oatmeal)
Stuporgate=Firing the state bartender
Stoopergate=Firing anyone on the front porch (see also: Get off my lawn!)
Supergate=Firing everyone Todd doesn't like (see also: First Dude)
Yoopergate=Firing anyone left on the northern Michigan campaign staff
And,
Dupergate=Firing the advisor who first suggested the 2008 GOP VP Candidate
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Mint Conditioning
MINT CONDITIONING
NEWSWIRE--A sheriff's deputy is suspected of scavenging some of nearly $200,000 in nickels spilled in a Treasury truck crash.
As for voters' pick this fall, it's
Neck and neck and almost even.
That's unless they get their wallets
Filled with Change They Can Believe In.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A sheriff's deputy is suspected of scavenging some of nearly $200,000 in nickels spilled in a Treasury truck crash.
As for voters' pick this fall, it's
Neck and neck and almost even.
That's unless they get their wallets
Filled with Change They Can Believe In.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Stripped Gears
STRIPPED GEARS
NEWSWIRE--New computer technology from Ford allows parents to limit both teenage drivers' speed and the volume on the car stereo.
A parent, seeking answers
For a teenage driver, finds
This advice from burlesque dancers:
The routine is bumps and grinds.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--New computer technology from Ford allows parents to limit both teenage drivers' speed and the volume on the car stereo.
A parent, seeking answers
For a teenage driver, finds
This advice from burlesque dancers:
The routine is bumps and grinds.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Monday, October 6, 2008
Readers Digest
READERS DIGEST
NEWSWIRE--A consumer magazine has ranked cereals marketed to children, rewarding brands with more fiber.
They offer, for the sake of clarity,
This way to measure health improvement,
And update facts with regularity,
As they promote a fiber movement.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--A consumer magazine has ranked cereals marketed to children, rewarding brands with more fiber.
They offer, for the sake of clarity,
This way to measure health improvement,
And update facts with regularity,
As they promote a fiber movement.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Father Owes Best
FATHER OWES BEST
NEWSWIRE--Consumer spending in August turned in the weakest performance in six months.
Car gets costly, scheduled service,
Son makes orthodontist nervous.
Daughter, shoes and dress for dancing,
Vet sees dog, in age, advancing.
Wife has dentist tooth and gumming,
House is cursed with leaky plumbing.
After brokerage commission,
College looms with its tuition.
As for me, this list suffices:
Going though my midlife prices.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--Consumer spending in August turned in the weakest performance in six months.
Car gets costly, scheduled service,
Son makes orthodontist nervous.
Daughter, shoes and dress for dancing,
Vet sees dog, in age, advancing.
Wife has dentist tooth and gumming,
House is cursed with leaky plumbing.
After brokerage commission,
College looms with its tuition.
As for me, this list suffices:
Going though my midlife prices.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Friday, October 3, 2008
Two Wrongs Make a Right to Remain Silent
TWO WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT
Spoken by a presidential candidate to his running mate after a debate
Your match before the TV throng tonight,
Was to show if I was wrong or right
In my selecting you to ride along,
In hopes that you'd turn out more right than wrong.
You showed us all that you are strong with fight
And that you try to be less wrong than right.
But I am still prepared to smite the gong
If you ever get the Bill of Rights all wrong.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Spoken by a presidential candidate to his running mate after a debate
Your match before the TV throng tonight,
Was to show if I was wrong or right
In my selecting you to ride along,
In hopes that you'd turn out more right than wrong.
You showed us all that you are strong with fight
And that you try to be less wrong than right.
But I am still prepared to smite the gong
If you ever get the Bill of Rights all wrong.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Beijing Aging
BEIJING AGING
NEWSWIRE--After a month-long investigation, Olympic authorities say all six members of the Chinese female gymnastics team met age requirements by being or turning 16 this year.
I.
An adolescent girl's emboldened
To wish herself as somewhat oldened;
In later years, no plea or plot'll
Put that genie back in its bottle.
II.
The challenge grew with more incessance:
"Prove you've passed through juvenescence."
Giggling, they blushed, but then...
That word is funny when you're ten.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
NEWSWIRE--After a month-long investigation, Olympic authorities say all six members of the Chinese female gymnastics team met age requirements by being or turning 16 this year.
I.
An adolescent girl's emboldened
To wish herself as somewhat oldened;
In later years, no plea or plot'll
Put that genie back in its bottle.
II.
The challenge grew with more incessance:
"Prove you've passed through juvenescence."
Giggling, they blushed, but then...
That word is funny when you're ten.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Capsaicin Crunch
CAPSAICIN CRUNCH
NEWSWIRE--An amateur chef died the day after eating a "superhot" pepper in a bet over who could make the hottest dish.
To this handy rule of measurement I'll clue you;
It determines if you lose or if you win:
There are things of which a little dab will do you,
And of others which a dab will do you in.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
1950s Brylcream commercial
NEWSWIRE--An amateur chef died the day after eating a "superhot" pepper in a bet over who could make the hottest dish.
To this handy rule of measurement I'll clue you;
It determines if you lose or if you win:
There are things of which a little dab will do you,
And of others which a dab will do you in.
www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines
1950s Brylcream commercial
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