Monday, December 29, 2008

Wide Load

WIDE LOAD

NEWSWIRE--A doctor used fat from patients' liposuction to fuel his SUV.

From years of sucking at the plump
And wallet-plucking at the pump,
He'll use what nature had bestowed,
And let the blubber meet the road.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Rubble Trouble

RUBBLE TROUBLE

NEWSWIRE--A pig that survived on charcoal and rainwater for 36 days while trapped under earthquake debris has been voted China's most inspirational animal for 2008.

Consider the fortune of this lucky sow,
Surviving, though buried and shaken,
Forestalling her presence at next morning's chow,
Where she'll finally bring home the bacon.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Monday, December 22, 2008

Fiscal Calendar

FISCAL CALENDAR

NEWSWIRE--Winter is officially here with the passing of the Winter solstice.

As the year wraps up its final quarter,
Both my money and the days are shorter;
Starting now, unless I'm wronger,
Both the days and deficit last longer.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Growing Pains

GROWING PAINS

NEWSWIRE--After frequent arrests for growing marijuana in vacant homes, called "grow houses," authorities have arrested a man for growing pot in an RV.

The lawman said he'd find the pot by
Where the smell of hay goes,
And proves it with this guy he's caught by
Sniffing Winnebagos.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Natural Gas

NATURAL GAS

NEWSWIRE--The EPA is considering a tax on cattle based on their methane emissions.

The bovine ilk exude aromas
As grassing leads to gassing.
Which beefs up grades in cows' diplomas
From tests they'll fail by passing.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Kiss of Deaf

KISS OF DEAF

NEWSWIRE--A woman's eardrum was ruptured by her boyfriend's kiss.

His lips' intentions were sincere;
He'd not thought to subdue them:
But for sweet nothings in her ear,
This time, he overblew them.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Party Favors

PARTY FAVORS

NEWSWIRE--Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested by FBI agents on federal corruption charges.

For bribes and favors to enjoy,
Plus someone's breaking legs list,
The Senate seat from Illinois
Was almost sold on Craig's List.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Smitten Wesson

SMITTEN WESSON

NEWSWIRE--An Ohio man claims he accidentally shot his estranged wife while they were in bed together.

A date with his ex and the prospect of sex
Had him straighten the things by his bed.
But a ring of the phone left him there all alone
As he answered his handgun instead.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Friday, December 5, 2008

A Cousin, Once Removed

A COUSIN, ONCE REMOVED

NEWSWIRE--A surgeon carried out an amputation based on text messaged instructions.

If limb removal's coming next,
Here's my instruction; note it:
In lieu of one who read a text,
Fetch the doc who wrote it.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Thursday, December 4, 2008

John Doe vs. John Deer

JOHN DOE VS. JOHN DEER

NEWSWIRE--A wounded deer attacked the hunter who shot him.

I never will get past my fear
Of weekend trips for hunting deer.
It's not the shooting I find menace in;
I draw the line at wrestling venison.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Hot Seat

HOT SEAT

NEWSWIRE--A new genetic test indicates which sport a child was born to play.


Some hope of teams or floor routines
Or fields where they'll perform;
My folks, instead, gave me the genes
That keep the benches warm.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Mutual Aromaha

MUTUAL AROMAHA

NEWSWIRE--A Detroit woman's lawsuit will proceed, alleging a co-worker's perfume made it difficult for her to breathe and impossible to do her job.

Most workplace fragrance needs no quarrel;
That's just stuff and nonsense.
But hope when labels warn of floral,
There's more off than on scents.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines

Monday, December 1, 2008

A Sale of Two Pretties

A SALE OF TWO PRETTIES

NEWSWIRE--In these tough economic times, the number of egg donors and surrogate mothers is up by 30 percent.

The times were best, the times were worst;
She soon would have to beg
For help in choosing which goes first:
Her Dickens or an egg.

www.newsandverse.com
Light verse, ripped from the headlines